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January 2007

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Dec. 3rd, 2006

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The Beginning

First off, this theme for LJ is adorable! But that's inconsequential. You want to know how I contracted HSV. Well, first off I should tell you that it's HSV-2 which is genital herpes. And really, it's not the worst thing that could've happened. Sure, it sucks, but death is worse.

So here's my story. A couple weeks ago, my boyfriend of 4 months broke up with me. It was a mutual thing, sort of, but I was single. And relieved. I hate being in a relationship more times than not. I do enjoy the single life. I love dating, and well, I love the sex. Of course, as are my ways, I had a date set for the Monday after we broke up. That happened on a Friday. This guy seemed great, and I knew if nothing else I could have a couple drinks and crash at his place. In my dating world, it's pretty much guaranteed that I'm sleeping over the first night. So long story short, I had more than a few drinks and before I knew it we were fooling around in his bed. Things happened, and the next morning was rather awkward as it always is when you don't know the guy well. We went our separate ways, and that was that. We still talk, but there's nothing there except great sexual chemistry.

So the next night, I give an old friend of mine a call. We had some sparks fly in the past and had spent a weekend together the previous year. I head over to his house a bit before midnight and we stay up til about 5 in the morning just talking and catching up. We're both about to pass out on the couch, so I suggest we move to the bed. Of course, things start happening. And things were good.

Fast forward a week. On Tuesday, I notice that it feels like the inner labia is torn slightly. I don't think much of it. Both men were rather well endowed, and we didn't exactly take it slow. By Wednesday, it burns when I pee. I think it's just a urinary tract infection, so I blow it off. Thursday is about the same, but Thursday night, I notice a couple raised bumps leading into the anal region. I figure that if it's still there Friday, I'll go in. Friday I wake up and it was worse. I cried because it hurt so much just to pee. I skip class and snag an opening at my OB's office. She asks a few questions, then as soon as she takes a look I hear, "Yep, that's herpes." There wasn't a pause. No moment of uncertainty. No "Oh, it could be something else." I almost started to cry. I knew nothing about this besides that it was lifelong and I'd have to tell everyone I would ever have sex with. Did I think my life was over? For a moment, yes.

After some careful thought, I figured out who it came from. My ex and I were both tested for STDs which came out negative on both ends, so he was out. Monday night guy and I used condoms, but there was a vibrator involved. He did say that it had never been used before, but I have no way of knowing for certain. Tuesday night guy and I did not use condoms. I'm on Depo, so if it's someone I know and trust, I generally don't worry about it. The sad thing is, a little voice in the back of my head told me not to sleep with him that night. Big mistake. Ah, oh well. Nothing I can do about it now.

I've really been handling this pretty well. I've tried to educate myself on it as much as I could, and from what it sounds like, the first outbreak is the worst then it starts to get better from there. I have this numbing gel that was prescribed. And besides going through almost the whole tube in one day, it's working quite well. I just have to reapply every 90 minutes or so. I have pills to fight the virus and I have started taking vitamins to boost my immune system. Reading other blogs about people who have HSV has helped as well. I know that I'm not alone out there, and although it's not talked about enough, a lot of people have it.

With time, it'll get better, both physically and mentally. It's made me want to change my life which I suppose is a good thing. Maybe I got this for a reason. Maybe this was my wake up call before I got something worse. I can live with this. That is what is important. That I can live. I hope that by keeping this blog I can help just one person realize they're not alone. I want to give one person hope that they can get through this. Always feel free to leave comments or email me about anything. If you're one of those people who stopped by because you think people with STDs are the scum of the earth, go ahead and tell me if you feel like it. I doubt you read this far anyway. It won't bother me.

Best of luck to you all out there living with this. Stay strong. G'nite.

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