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45 minutes to live

So I'm about to have to tell my parents that I failed a couple classes in school and in turn wasted their money. Then I'm going to cry and say that I hate them, then it'll all be okay and I'll go to work.

Hell, I haven't stopped crying since I woke up. The first thing I heard when I woke up was my dad fucking bitching about my hair in the shower. Okay, sorry my hair is 5 million times thicker than a normal persons and when I wash it it falls out in droves. Fucking-A. Not my fault. I blame your fucking genetics, thankyouverymuch. So I've spent today packing and cleaning the bathroom. And I leave for Memphis tomorrow THANK GOD. I need to get out of here.

For the first time in forever I wanted nothing more than to die this morning. I didn't want to face today, and I just wanted my life to end. I rarely think that. I was diagnosed with depression about 3 weeks ago and I've been on Welbutrin which has worked wonders. But obviously it can't cover it all. I might need to up my dosage sooner than later.

I'm hoping Memphis provides some much much much needed rest and relaxation. I can smoke tomorrow, I can drink tomorrow, and I'll be happy. I miss my lovely cigarettes and my beloved Jack Daniels.

But fuck Minnesota. I'll get through this somehow. I'll go to work tonight, come home, finish packing, and leave bright and early tomorrow morning. Here's to hoping I get seated next to a gorgeous 20 something single male on my flight. Alright, I gotta continue cleaning. Fuck fuck fuck.

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