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Jan. 1st, 2007

Change

So neglected

I'm back! I was in Memphis for two weeks or so, and then I got back and slept and now it's 2007 which is just mind blowing. Didn't it just turn 2006? Where does time go? I've been doing incredibly well lately as far as all "that." Oh yes, you know what I mean. I haven't been much into blogging. I was away from it for a couple weeks, maybe updating three times or so, but I'm just not feeling it. I tend to be using a private blog more, which is odd because I started this to get myself out there. I mean, when I started blogging in 2001. Not this one in particular.

Memphis was awesome and much needed tho. It makes me never want to leave once I get there, but once I get back, I couldn't imagine being anywhere else. Of course, I've had a couple days of absolutely horrible depression which is probably due to the weather and being tired, sore, and not looking forward to living at home. But hopefully this year will bring out some positive changes.

That's all I got for now. Hope everyone has a great new years and I'm looking forward to hearing all about the festivities in the coming weeks.

Also, as a side note, I'm looking for a couple of people to venture to New York City sometime in the not so distant future. You know, to help split costs and what not. It would be at least a year and a half out, but if you or anyone you know would be interested, put them in contact with me. Thanks guys.

Dec. 17th, 2006

Change

45 minutes to live

So I'm about to have to tell my parents that I failed a couple classes in school and in turn wasted their money. Then I'm going to cry and say that I hate them, then it'll all be okay and I'll go to work.

Hell, I haven't stopped crying since I woke up. The first thing I heard when I woke up was my dad fucking bitching about my hair in the shower. Okay, sorry my hair is 5 million times thicker than a normal persons and when I wash it it falls out in droves. Fucking-A. Not my fault. I blame your fucking genetics, thankyouverymuch. So I've spent today packing and cleaning the bathroom. And I leave for Memphis tomorrow THANK GOD. I need to get out of here.

For the first time in forever I wanted nothing more than to die this morning. I didn't want to face today, and I just wanted my life to end. I rarely think that. I was diagnosed with depression about 3 weeks ago and I've been on Welbutrin which has worked wonders. But obviously it can't cover it all. I might need to up my dosage sooner than later.

I'm hoping Memphis provides some much much much needed rest and relaxation. I can smoke tomorrow, I can drink tomorrow, and I'll be happy. I miss my lovely cigarettes and my beloved Jack Daniels.

But fuck Minnesota. I'll get through this somehow. I'll go to work tonight, come home, finish packing, and leave bright and early tomorrow morning. Here's to hoping I get seated next to a gorgeous 20 something single male on my flight. Alright, I gotta continue cleaning. Fuck fuck fuck.

Dec. 16th, 2006

Change

Uhm, yay for wisdom teeth haha.

Okay, so since I've had my wisdom teeth out, I haven't been able to drink anything with carbonation. That means none of my beloved Pepsi which is a key ingredient to my life. BUT, because of that get this...

I bought some skinny jeans for the holidays which are uber adorable. But, when I bought em, they were like half an inch too tight, and now, I have NO problem with them. Yay! So I've lost like half an inch.

So maybe I will swear off pop. I can do it. I know it. Juice and sweet tea. It'll be easy. Maybe....

Dec. 13th, 2006

Regret

I've met someone.

I've met someone who is the most incredible guy. Of course, I'm still waiting to find out some major flaw that makes up for his supposed perfection. We have this absolutely amazing chemistry and it's just refreshing to talk to him and know that he's on damn near the same wavelength as me. So here's the thing. We're going out Friday night. First date. I know, how cute. Things are already very sexually charged between us. It's been like that from the beginning. He knows I'm not looking for a hook up and he says he's not either. But, at the same time, I'm absolutely horrible at turning down what is probably amazing sex. I do like this guy, and I don't want to make an incredibly stupid move such as fuck him now and tell him later. He's going to be the first one that I'd have contemplated sleeping with since I got diagnosed with HSV. I'm scared to death to tell him because I'm afraid that's going to scare him away. At the same time, I don't think it will though. He seems like he's genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship, so if he is, a small detail like that shouldn't get in the way. Right? I just need to not sleep with him Friday which means very little drinking on my part. I'm on anti-depressants, and holy hell, alcohol hits you so much faster on those. I discovered that last weekend. I had been warned about it before, but I forgot and drank like I normally do. Whoops! I was falling all over myself. I wound up making out with this guy I barely know, but luckily I had a sober friend there who watched my back and got me out of there before anything stupid happened. Basically, back to the new guy, I need moral support at the moment. Share your experiences with telling new love interests about having HSV. I don't want to get in the heat of the moment and "forget" about it. That would be the worst possible situation. I will tell him. I'm just not sure how to approach the subject. Any suggestions? And on other topics, I got my wisdom teeth out yesterday. And it actually went rather well. I'm a bit sore and swollen today and I can only eat soft foods which greatly limits my diet. I did get to eat some spaghetti tonight which was such a nice change from applesauce, lipton noodle soup, and pudding. Although I did just fix some chocolate pudding. But it's chocolate. How can you not love it? I went under general anesthesia for the surgery, and holy crap, that was the best nap of my life. It took them maybe 45 minutes and due to the oxygen I slept so well. I woke up all refreshed and in a relatively good mood. Of course, I woke up crying a bit though because I was all confused about where I was and what was going on. I think I fell asleep hearing voices and I woke up thinking I was still hearing them but there was only one person in the office at that point. I was so confused! I did stop bleeding almost immediately which was good. And hopefully, since I have to quit smoking for a week due to this, I can quit for good. I do love my cigs tho. Hm. If Memphis doesn't screw me over, I'll be good. Also completely random question.... Does anyone have any experiences with you or a friend obtaining a fake ID? I'm just curious. Message me if you rather not leave a comment about it. But with that, I'm going to go. This is a rather long entry for me. Haha. Don't get too used to it, though. Lata guys.

Dec. 6th, 2006

World's A Stage

I was tested

And the results are NEGATIVE! Wooohooo! At least I escaped one blow, right? There's this clinic downtown that asks for a $20 donation for HIV testing, but since I'm BROKE they told me I didn't have to pay. Very very cool. But yeh, glad that's done and over with.

Has anyone else had an experience with it? And do you guys get checked regularly or is it one of those wishful thinking that you won't get it deals?

I've been sexually active for 3 years now and this is the first time I got tested, but I had reason to a year and a half ago. Glad to know that my fears were unfounded. Or something like that. Chinese food tonight to celebrate! Haha.

I'm outta here. Later!
Change

HIV

I'm about to go get tested for HIV. It's the only thing I've never been tested for, and quite frankly, I'm a bit nervous.

Also, I told the guy last night who I believe I contracted HSV from. He wasn't aware of having it, so he's going to get checked out. I also told the ex and now he's paranoid that it came from him, but I'm trying to convince him it didn't. He went and got tested today anyway. Better safe than sorry, right?

But anywho, I need to jump in the shower. Bah. Then I gotta scrounge around for clean clothes. I really need to do laundry. I'll post about the testing when I get back. Later.
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Dec. 5th, 2006

Change

Skipping meds = Bad

So I forget to take my Welbutrin just one day. And I don't know if it's that or the tiredness, or a mix of the two, but I am bitchy. All I want to do is go to bed, but I have so much work to do for school. I know, I shouldn't even be writing this right now, but I can't bring myself to actually work. I just don't care anymore. I want to take next semester off from school anyway. I'm sick of it. I need a break. Work more, study less. Yep, that sounds good.

But seriously... If you crossed my path and looked at me the wrong way I would be so tempted to beat down your ass. And speaking of beating down... My dogs got in a fight earlier. My oldest, Tasha, now has a gouge on her nose and then a bit further up on her face. I feel so bad for her. My youngest, Maggie, is just purely a bitch. She's a rat terrier so that explains it all. Tasha is half rat terrier half beagle, so she has a bit more of a calm temperament.

There's also a new boy in the life. I met him only yesterday, but he's amazing and I can't get him out of my head. I'm sitting here wishing he would call or get online just so I know yesterday wasn't just a fluke. He's incredible. And gorgeous. And funny. And only two years older than me. I think this is a first. Haha.

Okay, I need to finish the kitchen, then I think I'm gonna go pass out til 5 am or so then get up and work on school shit. I hate my life right now. Damn missing meds.

Dec. 4th, 2006

Regret

It's over! [Almost]

No more numbing cream, no more screaming when I pee. Ohhh I'm so excited. The breakout is almost officially over. It still hurts like hell to take a shit [which I'm suuuure you wanted to know] but other than a few minutes afterwords, I'm fine. It's not completely gone yet, but it's enough. I'm no longer in discomfort 24/7 which is amazing. Friday and Saturday tho were absolute hell. But if they say that the first outbreak is the worst, I can definitely deal with the rest.

On other topics, I locked my keys in my car tonight. I got home, and I threw them in my pocket but by the time I had gotten out and shut the door, my keys were on the seat. Locked. In my car. I'm a dumb ass, yes. I admit it. It's the third time in a very short while that I've done that.

I did go out for coffee tonight to get some work done. I'm in the process of writing a paper, preparing for finals, and doing a semester's worth of math work. Tonight and tomorrow will be consumed with taking quizzes online, and Wednesday I'll be taking tests all day. Fun fun. It's only 5 tests, but they take an hour. Not good. The highest grade I can get in that lass is 90% because a 10% penalty is assessed if nothing is on time, and well, nothing is on time. Yay go me.

Alright, I'm off to get work done and enjoy sitting in my chair without constantly having to adjust because too much pressure is in one certain area or another. Y'all have a great night!
World's A Stage

The Name Of The Band...

Alright, little mini-entry for the moment.

If you guys have never heard of a band called Cowboy Mouth, you don't know what you're missing. They're from New Orleans, Louisiana and on a bad night they'll tear the roof off, and on a good night they'll save your soul. I found out last night that their guitarist, Paul Sanchez, left the band a couple weeks ago. It seemed to be a rather sudden decision, and after reading through pages and pages of forum posts, I've finally come to terms with it. I mean, these guys have been around forever. Paul played with the band for 16 years. I've been into them since 2001. I've known their drummer, Fred LeBlanc, since then, and Paul I think I first met back in 2003. The guys are wonderful.

BUT the reason I'm posting is to tell you about the music. Actually, I'll let you take a listen for yourself. They are all on Myspace as is the way to do things in this day and age.

The Cowboy Mouth band page: http://www.myspace.com/cowboymouth
The Paul Sanchez band page: http://www.myspace.com/paulpoppysanchez

Let me know what you think. And if any of you have heard of them previous to my post, let me know because you are automatically gonna be pretty damn cool in my book. Alright, that's all. I gotta get ready for class. :[ Lata kiddos.
Regret

Halfway There

Finally, I'm getting some release from this pain I've been in for days now! The medicines are continuing to kick this virus's ass, and I'm reaping the benefits. The sores are slowly beginning to heal. I actually peed today with NO pain. How incredible is that? I never thought that something so small could make me so thankful. It's amazing what we take for granted every day. For the past four days I have envied everyone that could wake up in the morning and go to the bathroom and feel relief of an empty bladder rather than anguish and fear of a stinging pain.

I've also told two people about it. Two of my managers at work know. One was told because I worked with her last night and my disappearing every 45 to 90 minutes needed an explanation. She also happens to be a friend of mine, so it was a bit easier telling her, and I had to tell somebody. I'm not good at not talking about myself. Then today, I worked with a different manager and the one from the previous night had given him the heads up that I'm having some "female" issues. Finally, about halfway through the night he straight up asked me what was going on, and I told him. I trust him. I don't think I'm going to tell many other people there that I work with simply because a lot of my coworkers are 16 year old kids or very immature 20 year old guys, but it's nice knowing that someone knows. I now have two people who I can go to about it, and that's a good thing.

I still haven't talked to the guy who I got it from. I'm seeing my ex tomorrow to give him his money, so I'm going to let him know just in case it came from him. I figure it's the least I can do. Well, maybe I won't. I'm almost positive it wasn't from him, and seeing as how we're not parting on the best of terms, I don't want to give him any leverage against me. But yeah, I have finals coming up in a week, so I think I'm going to wait until after that to talk to this guy. Anything to avoid some stress. I already have enough.

Alright, that's really all I got that's worthwhile to say. But, because I'm still bored, I leave you with this...

A meme because I'm boredCollapse )

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